Episode 74: Pride Month and the Two Great Commandments
I cannot believe summer is underway, and we are almost into June. I have some fun things planned in June – a family vacation, Girl’s Camp, my birthday – and I should feel excited. I am looking forward to those things, but I have been dreading the month of June for a long time. Last June was almost too much for me because of what happened on social media, and I am anticipating the same thing this year.
Why? Because June is Pride Month, and the online conversation always gets heated.
While this is nothing new, last year hit different for me. I felt caught in a social media war between love and law –charity and chastity – tolerance and orthodoxy. I saw an army of pointed fingers on both sides. Some called for more love, tolerance, and acceptance. Others, in affirming God's laws, relentlessly published anti-pride messages, and some even publicly denounced the decisions of specific individuals. Some people even accused me of leading people astray simply because I followed one individual who was in the spotlight for His decision to enter a gay marriage.
Even though I agreed with the orthodoxy of the group who spoke of God’s laws, I was uncomfortable with some of their methods. It felt as if they were rounding up modern Hester Prynnes, branding them with scarlet letters, and holding them up as public examples of everything wrong with this world.
While I understood why they might have been doing this – to affirm God’s laws, defend the Family Proclamation and the traditional family, and to stabilize what they saw as a sinking ship, the finger pointing did not feel Christlike to me. The Savior always taught truth and never deviated from doctrine. But He also ministered to sinners, inviting them to join Him on higher ground rather than condemning them. I could not help wondering how He would handle this modern situation.
I have a gay brother who left the Church years ago, so I know something about the complexity and heartache that often accompanies the intersection of the Church and LGBTQ issues. My kids have grown up participating in the arts – band, choir, and theatre – and they were and are surrounded by these issues every single day while in middle school and high school. One of my kids estimated that 50% of the people she interacted with daily while in high school identified somewhere in the LGBTQ community.
These are real people who wrestle with complex issues that require a great deal of sensitivity. Often, things are not as black and white as we would like to believe, especially when youth are involved. With the world screaming one thing and the Church teaching something completely different, many people are genuinely confused.
I have seen this with my own kids. They love their LGBTQ friends and want to support them, even if they do not fully understand where they are coming from. But the conflict between supporting their friends and staying true to the doctrine is ever present.
I do not believe the answer is to abandon the Proclamation, bury the doctrine, and adopt worldly philosophies. I wholeheartedly believe the Lord knows what He is doing with His doctrine, even if we cannot fully understand His ways just yet. I believe He is counting on us to speak truth and lead others to Him in whatever capacity we feel called to do so. But how can we uphold the Lord’s doctrine while being sensitive to the experiences and feelings of the people who struggle to reconcile their experiences with that doctrine?
That is the question I was wrestling with last June while the Pride Month war raged.
As I pondered what, if anything, I should do or say, I went to the temple with a prayerful heart. While sitting in the chapel before the endowment session, I let the scriptures fall open on my lap. This verse was at the very top of the page: "After their many temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them." (D&C 112:13)
One of the footnotes for that verse led me to these words from the resurrected Lord to the Nephites: "Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them." (3 Nephi 18:32)
Upon reading these verses, it felt like all the thoughts and feelings I was struggling to articulate were right there on the page. Christ's Atonement makes it possible for life to be a classroom, not a courtroom. We are here to learn by experience, which means we will all make mistakes. If we were perfect, we would not need a Savior. And, while it is easy to see others' sins, we are all sinners. Outward appearances only tell part of the story. Only the Lord can see the complete picture. So, we can let Him judge the course of others’ salvation, freeing ourselves from its burden.
As President Nelson taught, "If a couple you know gets divorced, or a young missionary returns home early, or a friend doubts her testimony, or a young man says he is gay, none need your judgment. They need to experience the pure love of Jesus Christ reflected in your words and actions." (The Heart of the Matter, p.61)
The truth is that we do not know how God is working in other people's lives. But we do know that He loves all of His children and will not forget a single one. He will continue to feel after them, even those who, like the Ammonites of old, are "the most lost of all mankind." And we, like the sons of Mosiah, can be "instruments in the hands of God to bring about [His] great work." (Alma 26:3)
Of all the titles of Christ, the Good Shepherd might be my favorite, not because my last name is Sheppard, but because the imagery is so beautiful. I picture Him leaving His fold of ninety and nine safe sheep to “feel after” the one who has wandered. I see Him searching every corner until He finds the lost one. I see Him tenderly lifting the lamb onto His shoulders, and carrying her back to the safety of the fold, ministering to whatever wounds, seen or unseen, the lamb sustained in her wanderings.
That lamb represents every single one of us. We are all prone to wander. Sometimes, that wandering is more visible to onlookers because some choices are difficult to hide. But, in condemning others for their choices, even if those choices lead to serious sin, are we forgetting the beam in our own eye?
I love Elder Renlund’s explanation in his April 2024 General Conference talk entitled, The Powerful, Virtuous Cycle of the Doctrine of Christ. He said: “Comparing ourselves to others can lead us to make pernicious errors, especially if we conclude that we are more righteous than those who are struggling. Such a comparison is like drowning hopelessly in three meters of water, seeing someone else drowning in four meters of water, judging him a greater sinner, and feeling good about yourself. After all, we are all struggling in our own way. None of us earns salvation. We never can. Jacob, in the Book of Mormon, taught, “Remember, after [we] are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that [we] are saved.” We all need the Savior’s infinite Atonement, not just part of it.”
Jeffrey R. Holland similarly taught, “When a battered, weary swimmer tries valiantly to get back to shore, after having fought strong winds and rough waves which he should never have challenged in the first place, those of us who might have had better judgment, or perhaps just better luck, ought not to row out to his side, beat him with our oars, and shove his head back underwater. That’s not what boats were made for. But some of us do that to each other” (“A Robe, a Ring, and a Fatted Calf” [Brigham Young University devotional, Jan. 31, 1984], 5, speeches.byu.edu).
While Elder Holland was specifically speaking about those who are trying to make their way back, I believe the same principle applies to those who may be walking away from the Church. Or those who choose to come to church and participate in the ways they can, knowing that their choices disqualify them from full participation or temple worship. Will we still welcome them, invite them to sit next to us on the pew, minister to them, and love them as brothers and sisters in the gospel, even if we see them as “sinners?”
As the Savior taught in 3 Nephi, ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them." (3 Nephi 18:32)
All of our paths to Jesus are unique. Some might look more like roller coasters than straight lines, but the Savior will continue to feel after those whose paths are currently not leading directly to Him. We cannot count them out because they have not yet arrived at the Savior’s feet or because we do not agree with their chosen path. We know not but what they will return and repent, and we could be part of that glorious process by being the Lord’s earthly hands. We can participate in His work by compassionately ministering to the ones who are lost or confused – by loving, sharing, and inviting, rather than condemning, judging, or pointing the finger of scorn.
Sometimes, though, it feels as if showing love to a sinner is synonymous with condoning or even advocating for their sinful choices. Russell M. Nelson taught that "Real love does not support self-destructing behavior (source)." So, how can we navigate this tricky line?
Gary E. Stevenson, in his April 2024 General Conference talk entitled Bridging the Two Great Commandments explained, “There is an important interdependency between loving the Lord and loving one another…For any suspension bridge to do what it was built to do, its towers must function together in complete harmony. Likewise, our ability to follow Jesus Christ depends upon our strength and power to live the first and second commandments with balance and equal devotion to both.”
He went on to say: “Some are so focused on keeping the commandments that they show little tolerance of those they see as less righteous. Some find it difficult to love those who are choosing to live their lives outside of the covenant or even away from any religious participation.
Alternatively, there are those who emphasize the importance of loving others without acknowledgment that we are all accountable to God. Some refuse entirely the notion that there is such a thing as absolute truth or right and wrong and believe that the only thing required of us is complete tolerance and acceptance of the choices of others. Either of these imbalances could cause your spiritual bridge to tip or even fall.”
I find it helpful to remember that ministering to others takes nothing away from God's unchangeable laws. But showing care and concern for those who may choose a different path has the potential to soften hearts, making the law feel more palatable.
Loving relationships can build bridges, invite the Spirit, and open the door for Christ to do the healing work only He can do. Perhaps that explains why the sons of Mosiah were wildly successful in their missionary efforts. They approached the Lamanites – their former enemies and the most lost of any sinners – with genuine love, offering to serve them indefinitely, with no thought of personal gain.
Charity, the pure love of Christ, requires a combination of patience, kindness, humility, faith, truth, and hope (Moroni 7:45). These qualities do not always come naturally to us, which is why we must "pray with all the energy of heart" to be filled with God's love (Moroni 7:48). And, as we pray for the gift of charity, we can also ask for the gift of discernment, which will help us determine how best to show Christlike love to the people in our lives. Every situation is different, which means we may all feel inspired to show love in different ways. But God, who knows all things, can guide us to the approach that will work best in our unique situation.
As we prayerfully strive to find the delicate balance between love and law in our relationships and interactions, let us remember that, as President Nelson taught, true followers of Jesus Christ treat people with compassion (source).
As we head into a potentially contentious and controversial month, I invite you to prayerfully consider how you can become a true follower of Jesus Christ by treating others with compassion, both online and in person, even, and maybe especially if you do not agree with their choices. I invite you to pray with all the energy of your heart for guidance on how you can balance the two great commandments in your unique circumstances.
It is my testimony that He will hear and answer our heartfelt pleas. He will help us navigate these increasingly complex situations with His pure love. And then, we will be able to joyfully stand forever with Him.
Thanks for being here.
